The Problem with Rules in Parenting

My favorite educator is a former school teacher and public speaker named Harry Wong. He has a series of videos designed to help school teachers proceed. In The First Days of School, Wong shares a number of ways in which a teacher's focus should be on procedures more than rules. What follows are eight principles to teaching that I believe also apply to parenting. As simple as it sounds, my kids will probably be grown and gone before I master these.

*One note of clarification: Neither Wong nor I am suggesting that there is not a place for discipline or rules. Good behavior needs to be rewarded, and bad behavior needs to be corrected. The point is that there is not enough emphasis on helping children succeed in the first place.

  1. The #1 problem in childrearing is not discipline. It is a lack of procedures and routines.

  2. A rule is a dare to be broken. A procedure is a series of steps to be successful.

  3. Discipline concerns how students behave. Procedures concern how things are done.

  4. Discipline has consequences and rewards. Procedures have neither.

  5. A routine is what children do automatically.

  6. Three things are needed to teach procedures: explain (state, model, demonstrate), rehearse (practice), and repeat (re-teach and rehearse to build a routine).

  7. An effective parent manages his/her kids. An ineffective parent only punishes them.

  8. If you spend most of your time correcting behavior, you are not a parent but a zookeeper or prison warden.

Parents, think about these things. Take steps toward helping your children establish procedures and routines in their lives. Both you and they will be the beneficiaries of it!

David Rhoades

Dr. David H. Rhoades is a believer in Jesus Christ who is passionate about disciple-making. A gifted author and speaker, he is the Senior Pastor at Broadview Church in Lubbock, Texas. He is producing a growing number of biblically-based resources that can help Christians lead the people in their circles of influence to become fully devoted followers of Christ. David was called to the gospel ministry in 1987, and he has been a pastor since 1995. After finishing his Bachelor of Arts in Biblical Studies at The Criswell College, he earned his Master of Divinity degree at the New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary, where he received the 1995 C.C. Randall Award for Evangelism. In 2005 he graduated from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary with a Doctor of Ministry degree in Missions and Evangelism, writing a ground-breaking doctoral project designed to help churches engage their multiethnic communities in ministry. Since 1995, he has served as a pastor to churches in Louisiana, Ohio, Oklahoma and Texas. David enjoys cooking, reading books, cheering on the Texas Longhorns, and spending time with his beautiful wife Amy and their kids: Timothy, Jonathan, and Mindi.

https://davidrhoades.org
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